Here comes the baby …here goes the marriage…How many of the new parents can say this? Unfortunately too many.
In many cases post baby marriage changes are all about less time spend with one another, less money to blow off steam, less going out with friends. Other problems that are part of post baby marital life are more chores to do, more tiresome situations, more things left unsaid, more resentfulness and whole lot more annoying states of mind. Why does this happen?
You are a new mom with a thousand and one worries about the little one, you stress over a million things ( not worth stressing for) and watching out for post baby marital issues is the last thing on your mind. Hormones are acting out starting with birth, all through breastfeeding and some more after you wean the baby. Part of their job is to make you way too sensitive, extremely tired, overstressed and moody.
Yes, your half should be aware of these things, but this means you should tell him and the bad part is that a lot of women lose their will to speak openly about their issues once the baby arrives.
Chores, sleep and the baby
Mothers tend to blame themselves for every little thing that goes wrong with their little ones so it is logical they crave support, understanding and a helping hand. Part of the post baby marriage changes is the fact that in most of the cases anything the father does seems wrong.
Of course, you would want to take care of the baby, cook, clean and keep everything under control but sleepless nights take their toll and so does the frustration of seeing only you care about how does the house look like and whether or not things are in place.
Mothers are often overwhelmed by the amount of things that need to be done and huge issues appear if they don’t see an active participation from their spouse. Feeling like you are the only one doing the work is a sure path towards post baby marriage issues.
Disturbing relationship fact
Why disturbing? Because when somebody tells you things are not fine you should be worried.
Recent studies have shown that couples should seek pre baby counseling exactly because there are so many issues that can damage the relationship after the baby arrives.
Less talking, less time spent together and ultimately less sex can change the whole perspective you have on each other.
From the mother’s point of view relationship should not change and from the father’s point of view any intrusion in the relationship he had before creating the little miracle is seen as an extremely annoying fact.
The truth is some couples have it worse than others but basically fights, bickering, harsh words and non speaking terms are all about the state of mind both parents have because they blame each other.
Solving the issue
You, the mom, should talk about your pains. Say you are tired, why things bother you, ask for help, remember why you fell in love with him. The guys don’t need much, but they expect attention and want to feel you still love and need them.
You, the father, should remember she needs you desperately. Motherhood did not change the fact she expects to be hugged, kissed and tenderly caressed. She needs to feel loved and appreciated and if you hit ignore every time you see her angry you won’t help solve the marriage problems that appear after the baby is born.